Hi kiddies! I’m back from Europe which was about 60% fun and 40% not much fun, for various reasons. I’ll post pictures and recaps this week, but for now I’ve got a mountain of laundry and various settling-in to do. DCB has already e-mailed to tell me that he was sitting next to a “very hot French girl”, so let’s all send him our very best wishes for good luck in Spain! It’ll be like clapping to bring Tinkerbell back to life, but with dirty European sexing involved!

I have to buy two or three pairs of shoes until I find one that I really like. At the time I buy them I think it fits great, but then after I break them in rough I come to realize that there are compatibility issues that I don’t feel like dealing with (kinda like women).

I would like to give away the following pairs of shoes. They are all size 12, and all worn less than 10 times.

I bought this because I needed a casual brown shoe. Problem is that these are not casual enough.
Brand: Nunn Bush
Amount I paid: ~$70

I can’t wear these because the light blue color is incompatible with my wardrobe.
Brand: Aldo
Amount I paid: ~$80

These shoes were end-game for me. They are exactly what I want: Casual enough to wear anywhere but nice enough to wear into a bar. But they are too narrow for my wide feet. Even after breaking them in, my right pinky toe couldn’t take anymore. To wear these out at night I had to have a couple quick drinks to numb the pain.
Brand: Rocket Dog
Amount I paid: $55!

I’m giving these away for free but you have to pick them up (one pair per person). In exchange I would like a cool trinket, like this motorized Patrick:

Use your imagination.

Let’s hope my new relationship works out:

A week and a half ago the worst thing happened to me. No, I didn’t get knocked up; I got a flat tire. Boo. I was at the intersection in the only left turning lane by N. Lynn St. right by the Key Bridge. I was looking pretty cute because I got all dressed up for a dinner date. I looked something like this:

Well, thank God for AAA because they were gonna come in 2 hours! I decided to play a game to see how many guys would offer to help me change my tire. Well, men of DC, you have sorely disappointed me.

The first person to ask if I needed help was a Mexican - man do I love foreigners! He probably could have changed my tire and my oil and cleaned my car. He was driving a van, who knows what (who) was in the back. I turned him down, sadly, because I had to continue with my research. Then a guy who was walking - again foreign! He asked if he could change my tire and I turned him down as well.

Okay, so I coach gymnastics, and I carry my equipment around with me. So guess what I had in my car at the time? A trampoline and a “mailbox” mat. I looked like I was a naughty girl carrying around all this stuff. I recieved many comments from cars driving by about my trampoline. One group of thugged-out white boys my age in a pimped Escalade stopped at the light. The first and only thing they asked was, “Babe, what’s the trampoline for?” I told them I taught gymnastics classes to adults in the nude, and then I told them to fuck off.

I made a quick call to Sally who told me I should try to get people to take my photo. Sadly, this did not work. I tried: I applied lipstick and jumped on my tramp but the only people who offered had cell phones.

The best part of my 3 hours gymnastics show (yes, I waited for 3 long hours), was when the cops came and set up flares! I felt soooo cool and I really wished I had a camera. You should have seen the people pass by and stare. Was there and accident? Where is the other car? Why is there a trampoline? I bet this was what they were asking themselves.

This guy who had been stalking me (he passed me four times within an hour) pulled over and was like I will change you tire. So, I decided AAA was not coming and thank God the cop came back because this guy was very frightening. The cop asked me what the trampoline was for too; I told him the truth, I didn’t want to get arrested for teaching nude gymnastics.

So, my conclusion is that I saw far too many attractive guys driving very nice cars pass by without stopping to help. Where have all the real men gone? They are all metroed out with American Crew hair gel with their fancy clothes and manicured nails. You could’ve gotten laid by changing my tire! Sike….

By the way, I can change my own tire. Seriously, I was just doing research. But next time I get a flat this is what I will be wearing:

With Love, Dasha

There was a little bit of confusion last week when I wrote about sexing freebies. I commented how my freebies may have higher value than what most men think of a freebie.

Last Friday night at Dragonfly I went upstairs and noticed a girl in a red dress dancing on a table. It felt like the whole floor was shaking with her energy. She was giving me the eye for 15 minutes or so until I said hi to her.

I took care of business that night.

I didn’t get her phone number, but I did myspace-stalk her later. I uploaded a picture for all you doubters. She is the shapely one:

Red dress

A notch is a notch.

I’m going to Ocean City soon and I need a boombox to rock on the beach. I’ve checked with three pawn shops but they don’t have what I want (I don’t want to deal with ebay). Does anyone live in the DC area and have an old, ugly boombox I can borrow? I can come pick it up.

I want something similar to this:

Not this:

Got an email from Furball the other day:

Can you plug my site? I’m dying over here. I should be getting 1,000,000 hits a day but I’m not.

* Furball Approved *

My two favorite videos so far are Skilled 14-year-old guitarist and I’m the Juggernaut, bitch.

I like to pre-drink before going out. It’s fun and saves a little bit of money. The other night I was thinking about this and realized that pre-drinking and then driving is less “safe” than having those drinks while driving.

I’m going to make an assumption that it takes around 15 minutes to start feeling effects of alcohol after your first sip. Let’s also assume that that is about how long it takes to finish a drink. If you’re at home and have two drinks, you’re getting in the car well after you feel alcohol’s effects.

On the other hand say you take a to-go cup with you during the 25 minute drive to the city. You’ll only feel effects for maybe 10 minutes of the ride. Therefore, it is actually safer if you drink and drive then if you pre-drink beforehand. Yet if I get pulled over with an alco-beverage in my cupholder, I’m getting a huge ticket and will be subjected to a breathalyzer, even though my BAC will surely be under 0.08. I don’t drive drunk, but I would like to enjoy a drink in my car if I know it won’t put me over the legal limit (a number that seems artifically low).

If you are going to punish people for having a certain amount of alcohol in their system, why is it necessary to also regulate how they can drink it? I rather be on the road with someone who is drinking one beer than someone who is talking on their cell phone.