Reader mail:

HI

I have been reading your posting for some time, and they put a smile on my face daily. So funny!!!!
I am a Easten europen woman (Ukranian), 5′5″, 120 pounds, nice ass and NATURAL black hair and tan skin.
I have a masters degree, but still love to cook and clean.
Since moving to America, I have found the women here to be fat, obnoxious and not attrative, so it seems that I agree with most of your points of view.
If you are interested in a meeting, write me a post:)
and I will send you some great pictures.

Svetlana

I read this and was certain it was a troll but it played so well into my deepest desire that I had to reply anyway. My email bounced. For a second I had visions of :hump: with sweet sweet Svetlana. I would give love to her.

People in Indiana thought they were getting a deal on a new LCD TV. They bought the set for $250 on the street, went home, and tore off the packaging to reveal the glory that is their… OVEN DOOR. Scammer sells oven doors as LCD screens, wrapping them in careful packaging and even including promotional inserts. My favorite quotes from the story (if you want to call it that):

1. “Investigators in South Bend, Ind., said there has been a rash of oven door thefts recently, and now they know why.”
2. “The oven doors even came with remote controls and power cords.” :whoa:

Beautiful scam. I hope the guy doesn’t get caught.

Ownage runners up:

1. Sean Preston Federline, for getting DROPPED ON HIS HEAD by his portly mother.

2. Soda drinkers, who have been drinking benzene, a cancer-causing chemical. Just for the taste of it.

Howard Kaloogian is a Republican running for Congress in California. He put up a picture of a peaceful Iraq on his campaign site with the following caption:

Iraq (including Baghdad) is much more calm and stable than what many people believe it to be. But, each day the news media finds any violence occurring in the country and screams and shouts about it - in part because many journalists are opposed to the U.S. effort to fight terrorism.

But it wasn’t Iraq, it was Istanbul, Turkey.

Not Baghdad

The internet ownage started here. Then he got owned on TV. Then he took down the picture and put up one taken high up from the safety of his hotel room, and got owned some more. As someone who has lived in Turkey for two months, I am deeply offended by the misrepresentation of my mother’s homeland. Howard Kaloogian, with all due respect, you are an esholesheck.

Runners up:

Fox, for passing on Heat Vision and Jack, a funny pilot created by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in 1999.

Chevrolet, for putting up a make-your-own-Tahoe-ad internet feature that people are using to bash the company. I made my own!

Many of you know that Scientologist Isaac Hays quit South Park two weeks ago, claiming he got sick of the show’s religious “intolerance.” It was obvious he left because of the Scientology episode, where Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and R. Kelly lock themselves in the closet and refuse to come out. During the episode we learn of actual Scientologist beliefs, such as how Xenu the alien overlord sent aliens to die on planet Earth, collecting their souls with a soul catcher to later inhabit humans. This happens while the tagline “THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE” remains on the screen.

The show’s creators dealt two stages of severe Isaac Hays ownage. The first:

This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology… He has no problem _ and he’s cashed plenty of checks _ with our show making fun of Christians.

…never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin.

The next was last week’s South Park episode (torrent). Chef joins the “Super Adventure Club,” which brainwashes him into a pedophile. Using voice bits from previous episodes, the creators have Chef saying he wants to make sweet love to children. He dies a most gruesome death in the end by a mountain lion and grizzly bear.

Ownage Runners-Up:

1. A Chinese man blogged about how he doesn’t want to live in a society where he can’t express himself. He ends his post with “But wait, would that land me in prison?” He was jailed five days later, and is still imprisoned. (Via Washington Monthly).

2. Barzelay Google search.