You know those wireless Bluetooth headsets people use with their cellphones? I’m seeing guys wear them inside the clubs, ALL NIGHT LONG. It should be obvious why having instant cell phone access is important: when your friend calls on a Friday night to confirm a 3-day special trial of a porn site you two are going in to, you really don’t want to keep him waiting when he’s ready to enter the credit card number.

There is a blue light on the headset that blinks every ten seconds or so, making the guy look like a robot powered by something outside his control… his ego.

The day started with a ride up to Baltimore to hang with Vodka Boy and a college friend. He has to be talking to a girl with that big smile on his face.

Later I roll with Insomnia to Avenue. On the drive over we see this guy who collapsed in the middle of Connecticut Ave. Next time I see shit like that I’m making an U-turn and going home.

We get to the club and Insomnia immediately hooks it up with the hottest girls in the club.

Overall the club was very nice and had a similar vibe to Eyebar or Spank. Something I’ve never seen before was a club caricature artist - free!

Here’s a picture of me taking a piss. Notice how far out my hand is.

We partied until the crack of 11PM and then got some gyro in Georgetown. What an awesome night… chill, no morning hangover, and little money spent (the gyro combo was $8 and it came with fries and a drink).

:banana:

Insomnia and I are going to Saturday’s grand opening of club Avenue in DC. The Haters desperately need some new places to hang out at because Eyebar, Spank, and Dragonfly are so played.

If you didn’t get a mailed invitation, why are you still alive?

We’ll have pictures of Saturday if Insomnia feels like taking them.

The Haters went out on Saturday night to the fast-declining Eyebar club. But first we hit a pre-party in Georgetown featuring sport bra’s that were left out to dry. :wideeyes:

I drag my crew of 6 girls and 2 guys to Eyebar in the rain. There is a long line outside and everyone is begging the bouncer to get in. I know the bouncer well, but have I stroked enough balls in the past to bring in 8 people without waiting in line? YES I HAVE! Getting everyone in while being watched by people I make fun of was the highlight of the month. As I was guiding my crew in, this girl I sorta know tried to get me to hook her up. It’s nice when things come full circle and people are stroking my balls for a change.

If I go to Eyebar when I’m not feeling well, I’d eventually come down with a full-blown illness. I always suspected it was the smoke combined with a bad ventilation system, and now I have proof:

See that haze throughout the picture, most noticeable toward the ceiling? That’s not a fuzzy camera lens, it’s smoke that is taking years from my life while giving me premature wrinkles. Also see that Indian guy on the bottom left corner in the blue shirt?

Two months ago I was at Eyebar and this white girl (actually woman, she was around 30) was giving me a lot of eye contact as she was talking to that Indian guy. When I eventually moved in, I made a comment about him and she started making fun of him, saying he tried too hard to impress her.

Saturday night the same guy asked if I was a tough guy because I didn’t move when he asked me too, right after a girl threw her coat over his shoulder to hold. That’s the second week in a row a guy has tried to fight me. I really would like to try out my Taekwondo skills but I don’t want to accidentally kill someone. In last month’s class the instructor taught us a thrust kick to the throat. I ask, “What would happen if you did that to someone?”

“You’d probably kill them.”

Uh, thanks. That information is kinda important.

There is now a brand new DC crew to provide an alternative to other groups such as the Washington Socialites and Cleaveland Park Men’s Club. Those two clubs are fine for yuppie city-dweller’s, but they lack one important ingredient: keepin’ it real. So without further delay, introducing the…

DC PLAYER HATERS

We specialize in objective observation (i.e. hating) of fake people in their natural habitat — the club. Each member brings a special type of hateration to the crew.

I specialize in hating on people who try too hard to be cool, like the girls who dance on club couches.

Eugenius’ specialty is hating on the “fake bitches” that front in the club.

VB hates on the supposed wannabe ballers who can’t hold a candle to his true player pimp status flame.

Our resident metrosexual, Insomnia hates on the whack-ass styles that the DC people try to show off in the club. His critique of the trucker hat style was known before Ashton Kutcher ever made it popular. He is not gay.

Spaniard is unique in that his hating is directed at only one person: the DJ. Spaniard can only nod his head sideways at the constant trainwreck mixes that DC DJ’s have to offer.

Right now you are probably wondering, “Okay great, four amazing guys who are going to hate on people. Is that all this crew is about?” Of course not. We plan on crashing several parties throughout the summer to bring class and excitement to otherwise lame events. If you would like your party to be good for a change, we are available for bookings. We predict that DC PLAYER HATERS party appearances will offer a 600% increase of your normal party attendance… of 12 people.