I stopped Googling people’s names. In the history of Googling people, I’ve never came across one juicy or dirty fact. You always get tame results about some race they ran, some award they won, or some idiotic quote they gave to their college newspaper. Even if you Google me, the worst you’ll find is a homoerotic movie I was an extra in. :boring:

Instead of Googling, the new stalker wave is Myspacing (or Friendstering) someone’s info. You get photos, interests, and an idea of what her friends are like. You may not think this information is valuable, but it’s GOLD if I’m trying to get into her pants.

For example, say a girl has this in her profile:

Interests: Horseback riding, hip hop music, ipod, cowboys, danish pastries

Next time I’m out on a date with her, all I have to do is drop something like, “Yeah the other weekend I went horseback riding with my new cowboy hat while listening to hip hop music on my iPod. I took breaks every hour to eat some danish pastries I made.” Then I watch as her pupils dilate with rapport-filled goodness. I wouldn’t dare add her until after I seal the deal.

If I’m out on a date with you and I ask you how to spell your last name, you now know what it’s for.

(Note to cute girls who read this page: Leave your email address when you comment. It won’t show up but I can oogle you later on myspace. :hump:)

A universal female behavior is not answering the phone when a guy calls for the first time. I don’t care what her age is, what race she is, where you met her, or how long you macked to her, but she will not pick up the phone when you call. It’s such a 100% certainty that I call knowing full well I will be leaving a message. It doesn’t bother me because the time it takes for her to call back is great indicator of how I should proceed.

If she…

1. Answers the phone. Desperate, pathetic loser. Who answers the phone from unknown numbers? Tell her you are calling from the Herpes Clinic and you got some good news and bad news. But mostly bad news.
2. Calls back within an hour or two. Immediate top billing. Take her to at least one nice place on the first date.
3. Calls back same night after a couple hours. Slight game player. Treat her as a sex object first, then maybe as a real person later.
4. Calls back the next day or after. Whatever. Amuse yourself with absurd phone conversations and potential “lets meet up” plans. Or put her on the one-date-hail-mary plan where you go for it all on the first date without regard to how sleazy you may seem. Can you say… dollar beer night?

This system isn’t bulletproof, for I have had girls that turned out to be hardcore flakes call me back within a few minutes. But a good rule of thumb is the faster the call-back, the stronger her interest. Reward the girls who are most interested. Don’t waste your time with a game-player; let some other chump subsidize her alcoholism.

I’m sure many girls are confused about the shallow male pursuit of the notch. There is a perfectly good reason why we put forth our mental energy, money, and time into a meaningless number:

95% of women, by their very nature, are worthless as potential girlfriends. Their worth lies in a number that boosts our ego and gives us something to brag about.

We don’t want to turn gay, but we still want to have sexual relations, so we invent this elaborate notch game to make chasing you worthwhile. You whine too much. You try to change us. You packed on the freshman twenty and never quite lost it. There is no real reason to date for the sake of dating anymore. Talk to a quality man and he is completely content with banging away, because he knows the benefits of a relationship with a 2006 woman is just not worth it. Hopefully the next cultural shift brings a new wave of woman, who knows how to save money, cook, forgo materialistic goals, and satisfy their man without just thinking of themselves. I write this with a heavy heart, for our whole generation is screwed and in the end not many of us will be happy (except for the guys who have lots of notches).

As told to me by a friend:

So I never called her after we had sex, and she called me leaving messages, saying, “Why is it that you guys never call me back after we have sex? It just keeps happening. You promised you’d call.”

:laugh:

I have summarized my friend’s experience in the following cartoon:

If you repeatedly get dissed by guys, then it’s safe to say that you can start blaming yourself, especially if you are this girl.

My shoulders are strong, ready to carry the load if needed. My arms are big & pillow-like. They open wide & can keep you warm. My stomach is round and big. This is the place where my son grew. This is probably the most hated part of my body. But this place is home. This is where I carried life. This is the place where my passion lives.

…and for you it’s where all your passion dies.

This place is so fake. You forgot to put on cologne again. Wow who is that. She’s nice. Go talk to her. What are you going to say? You’ve done this many times. You know the words don’t matter. You know what to do. Amazing body. Your drink is watered down. She’s with a few girls. Where the fuck is my friend. She’s been hit on all night. So what. Stop thinking. You can’t not talk to her. Regret is for losers. That’s right keep walking. She knows you’re coming. Shitty opener… good recovery. This conversation isn’t bad. Opener wasn’t that shitty. It’s really hard to hear. She thinks you’re funny. This is your dream girl. Yeah right you’re drunk. She is nice though. But wait, this is her friends birthday. The friend is tired and drunk. The friend wants to go home. It’s really smoky in here. Why is the cockblock always the ugly one. They don’t want to get something to eat. She lives eight states away. You gotta close. You’re distracted now. She starts talking to another guy. You idiot. Time for a break. You use the bathroom. You splash water on your face. You can’t do it. Wait, no, you can do it. You’re the man. You go back to her. You talk more. Where the fuck is my friend. She’s leaving town tomorrow. Oh well. She didn’t put in much effort anyway. Goodbye. They’ll be others. Another expensive tab. Another late night. There’s your friend. You should come back here next week. Time to get something to eat. Wow who is that.

Let me have your attention for a moment. So you’re talking about what? You’re talking about… bitching about some broad you didn’t bang, some slut who fucks every guy in the bar except you. Well I’m here from the streets. And I’m here on a mission of mercy.

You call yourself a man, you son of a bitch? Oh, have I got your attention now? You got prospects. You spent good time in those clubs to get those prospects. Get them on the phone and mack to them! You can’t close the prospects you got, you can’t close shit, you ARE shit. Hit the bricks pal and beat it ’cause you are not a man.

Your name is… “you’re wanting.” And you can’t play in a man’s game. You can’t close them. And you go home and tell your buddies your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life… get them to put out!

A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention — do I have your attention? Interest — are you interested? I know you are because it’s fuck or jerk. Decision — have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the prospects; you think she gave you her number to get out of the rain? Girls don’t give the digits unless they want it. They’re sitting out there waiting to give you their sex! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it?

You see my bedpost. You see it? My bedpost has more notches than you will have in your entire life. You see, pal, that’s who I am. And you’re nothing. Nice guy? I don’t give a shit. Good father? Fuck you — go home and play with your kids! You wanna play this game? Close!! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can’t take this — how can you take the abuse you get from a woman?! You don’t like it — leave. I can go out there tonight with the game you got, and bang! Bang! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to play the game?

It takes brass balls to play the game.

Go and do likewise, gents. The broads are out there, you pick them up, they’re yours. You don’t — I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out there to those bars tonight and close, close, it’s yours. If not you’re going home alone again. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bedroom: “Oh yeah, I used to be a player, it’s a tough racket.”

You see these scraps of paper? These are the new prospects. These are the A-crowd leads. And to you, they’re gold. And you don’t get them. Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They’re for closers. I’d wish you good luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.

You meet a girl and get her number. You call her but she doesn’t answer, so you leave a message. Less then 24 hours later, she calls you back when you weren’t at your phone. But she doesn’t leave a message. What do you do?

This is actually a very hard dating question. Other variables such as initial meeting duration length and speed of callback play a factor. This girl probably isn’t big on reciprocity, and wants to make you sweat a little. Chances are she has a lower-back tattoo and would make for an excellent notch.

A man’s options:

1. Don’t call back. This is for the man who, like Robert DeNiro in Heat, is not afraid to lose it all. Chances are the girl won’t call back a second time because she is making the assumption that her phone number is displayed under “Missed Calls”. If you think you are the man who doesn’t need to chase, then this is your option. Don’t worry, there will be another guy who will close her for you. His “I fucked this slut” story will beat out your “I didn’t fuck this slut” story.

2. Call back. If you think your connection is weak, then you may need to call back. Chances are she won’t answer, so you have another decision of whether to leave a message or not. This then goes beyond the scope of this post, with many possible outcomes, like one of those multiple ending books you still read. I can’t approve of this move because it sends the message that you don’t mind putting in more work than her.

3. Text back. Oooh didn’t see that one coming did you. This is where new technology has given us more response possibilities. Texting is in the middle of the above two options, and the road I would suggest guys take in a situation like this. If you have to resort to text game playing then you probably lost anyway, but it’s one of the options where you don’t seem like a little bitch.

What I do: I delete her number off my phone. If she wants to talk to me she has to call back AND leave a message (since I don’t answer calls from unknown numbers). Girls who don’t leave voicemails are always a headache.