I was unfortunate enough to catch The Michael Jackson Re-enactment on E last night. Most likely put together by a pornographic producer, this specials fills the publics insatiable desire for more cheesy Michael coverage.

Every “actor” is a funny looking version of their real-life counterpart: the defense lawyer looks like Christopher Lloyd from Back to the Future and the 15 year old “child” looks like one of my 25 year old friends from college who still hasn’t sprouted any facial hair. Then you see the actor playing Michael Jackson with a prosthetic nose that looks like it’s about to fall off:

Television has officially hit rock bottom. It can?t get worse than this, except for John Stamos? new show (which wouldn’t have been so bad had they not tried to squeeze every comedic cliche used in television history into one 30 minute program). In between reenactment clips, the lawyer commentators prognosticate like they are presiding over a murder trial, probably wondering why they ever accepted a gig that is sure to take them back to ambulance-chasing cases.

A woman should not have been guarding an unrestrained Brian Nichols on Friday afternoon.

I think it’s a bad idea to put women into specific situations where they are at a disadvantage because of their strength, such as in some law enforcement and fire protection positions. Women are not designed to tackle men twice their size to the ground. Women are not made to carry a fire house up several flights of stairs. Unless they are taking steroids or muscle-enhancing drugs, they can not do just as good as men.

Be honest with yourself for a minute. If there were two fire houses in your neighborhood - one all male and one all female - and you could choose which one you want to put out a huge fire in your house, which one would you choose? Or if four thugs were trying to break down your door to rob and kill you; would you rather have a pair of female cops come save your life or a pair of male cops? It’s not being sexist if you chose the men; it’s simple recognizing that both sexes have their strengths and weaknesses.

When 200-lb Brian Nichols overpowered a female guard, I couldn’t help but wonder ‘what-if’ the guard was male. Would an average strength male guard been able to do a better job than an average strength female guard? Women should continue to pursue careers in law enforcement and fire protection, but let’s not kid ourselves when we let a woman guard a Brian Nichols that many men would have a challenge restraining.

I made up a super awesome new quiz. This one tests if you compensate not having a life by worshiping those of celebrities. THE QUIZ.

What’s with women going crazy about reaching career success and gaining material possessions? I know why guys are doing it - for women - but I’m not quite sure why women are doing it.

I got a little tip for the four girls who read this page: if a guy says he likes a BMW for the engineering and that McMansion for the space, he’s lying to you - or to himself. It’s all for the status to impress you. Guys are generally low maintenance and don’t need a lot to get by. If a guy could fuck all the supermodels in the world by living in a refrigerator cardboard box, he would. Who are YOU trying to impress? Do you really need that much money to buy more useless crap?

The biggest mistake that women continue to make are thinking that guys hold them to the same standard that they hold men. We really don’t care about what kind of job you have or how big your bank account us. My future wife can work at CVS for all I care, just as long as she’s good in bed and can clean the house well.

Credit card company executives are laughing at you right now. The bankruptcy bill they made the biggest piece of lobbied legislation in HISTORY has passed in the Senate.

This only benefits the credit card companies, who claim that something must done about skyrocketing bankruptcy claims. SO STOP ISSUING CREDIT CARDS TO EVERYONE WITH A SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER. They don’t want to change their behavior because profits are going through the roof. Let’s make the ordinary guy pay.

The measure would ease some requirements for creditors and enable credit card issuers, retailers and other lenders to recover more of what is owed them.
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But those with income above the state’s median income who can pay at least $6,000 over five years ? $100 a month ? would be forced into Chapter 13, where a judge would then order a repayment plan..

Senators no longer need to hide their corporate pandering: they’re doing it right in your face! The top ten bankruptcy states are red states that put Bush and other Republican Senators in power. They’re sending a big fuck you to their constituents who are so stupid that they will continue to vote for them because they don’t want some woman across the street to get an abortion.

Here’s a picture for those of you who still don’t get it:

This may come as a shock to many of you, but MBNA and Citigroup are the number five and six biggest Republican Party donors, respectively.

I always see this short, old Asian guy at the gym working out with his meathead friends. They are the ones who always wear back belts and tank tops full of holes that are three sizes too small. I don’t like them because they hang in big groups and hog pieces of equipment for 20 minutes at a time.

The other day I beat them to the pull-up bar to squeeze in around 20 reps spread out in 3 sets. I was on my third set really huffing and puffing, when suddenly the Asian guy jumped up and got behind me. I thought he was going to try to rape me so I instinctively squeezed my ass cheeks together, but turns out he just wanted to spot me. “COME ON YOU CAN DO IT!” he said. “COME ON MAN PUSH THAT SHIT… PUSH IT!!!”

:shy:

The scene: strong muscle man yelling aggressively while slender white boy struggles and makes facial expressions that look painful. I was pretty quiet for the rest of the day.

This cartoon at Gaping Void hit a nerve…

Fuck I hope I don’t turn out to be one of those guys still hitting on girls in the club at 35. I see them every time I go out and imagine myself in their place… all those years wasted to be going through the same bullshit every weekend. Don’t they know there are better ways to meet girls?