I wish I was a politician in power. I wish I could push through tough laws but then go against them when my trophy wife gets in trouble.

Maryland State Sen. John A. Giannetti’s 26 year old wife recently got busted for drunk driving, a crime he’s known for pushing tough legislation on. One of his bills would make it a crime to refuse a breathalyzer test. When his wife called him in the middle of her DUI stop and asked him for advice, he told her to refuse the breathalyzer.

Maryland’s lax policy on the breath test has long been considered one of the biggest loopholes in the state’s drunken driving laws… [Giannetti] has been among the leaders in the movement to close that loophole. That makes his wife’s refusal to take the test — and his possible involvement in her decision — troubling for some drunken driving opponents.

Troubling? It’s INCREDIBLE. This guy is finished. What constituent would vote for a man who makes it known that he wants tough laws to apply to everyone but his wife. What a joke.

All this talk about alcohol is making me thirsty. Maybe I should light a shot and then try to drink it. Or maybe not. He shoots out fire like one of those circus guys!

Okay I found the site where everyone gets their Britney Spears paparazzi photos from:

The Britney Zone

Many sites take from that photo gallery without crediting to make it seem like they have some operative in the field. It’s all good, because I’m going to do it right now:

Okay now I’m supposed to make fun of her…

Eww look at that handbag. What IS she thinking to go out in public like that? She’s on a terrible downward spiral, someone needs to do something.

But seriously, when did pet rats get so popular?

I remember about 5 months ago when the Washington Post published an article featuring a quote from a top weather nerd. The article attempted to answer whether we were going to have a snowy winter or not. Here’s the quote, almost verbatim:

“Right now we expect a 50% chance of having more snow than average, and a 50% chance of having less snow than average.”

:huh:

So basically we were going to have an average winter. Thanks for putting it in simple terms, geek. Well the Post strikes again, this time with a confusing headline:

D.C. Population Shows Some Gains, Some Losses

…census figures [indicate] that the city’s population dipped by nearly 20,000 between 2000 and July 2004. City officials dispute the decline, citing a growth in housing units and the apparent stability of school enrollment. They have set a goal of boosting the D.C. population by 100,000 by the end of the decade.

I admire the Post for trying to spin a positive on the city losing 20,000 residents in four years. The “gains” came with a growing yuppie population (25-34), but if the net loss was greater, shouldn’t it be called “D.C. Population Shows Some Gains, But Much Greater Losses”? And how can the city “dispute” a census report by saying school enrollment is stable? That doesn’t make sense. And how is the city going to gain 25,000 residents a year by 2010 when they just lost that much in four? Arrrrrgh my head is starting to hurt.

And the hurting has stopped.

A great low-tech way of taking down notes, ideas, and quotes are using those cheap memo books you get at the office store. They fit nicely in any jean back pocket and make you feel important, like a reporter on the beat. It takes me about a month or two to go through one, and I store them all for future reference (for some day when I write a movie and need jokes). Here’s a sample page with cool 3D zoom-in effect:

Bonus points if you can read under that. Only thing is you need to carry a pen at all times.

Transcript from meeting between some guys in the 90’s:

Guy 1: “Man my muscles are huge.”
Guy 2: “Yeah me too.”
Guy 1: “I wish these gym shirts were tighter so I could show off my body more.”
Guy 2: “Why don’t we make our own gym shirts.”
Guy 1: “No stupid. The market is already crowded… ever heard of Nike?”
Guy 2: “Let’s make it out of cheap polyester, call it high performance apparel, and charge ridiculous amounts of money for it!”
Guy 1: “YEAH BABY YEAH.”

Under Armour remains dedicated to new technology and is determined to enhance the performance of every athlete on every level. Lighter. Faster. Longer. Better. The advantage is undeniable.

Undeniable? Who buys that marketing? Apparently every other meathead at the gym.

I think the reason they are doing so well is because of one reason: vanity. If you’ve ever worn a tight wife-beater you know how it makes you feel bigger. UA gear is extremely tight, giving meatheads a great reason to show off their body. Plus it’s become some sort of fashion statement since you need to save your allowance for a full three weeks before you can buy it.

Some random guy named Ober shares my thoughts:

I’ve heard the stuff is comfortable but my god, are we that sissy-fied that we need comfortable clothing when we are pushing ourselves to the point of puking? The other reason for a $50 shirt among the metro sexual crowd is that it wicks away sweat. This may be fine if you are a cyclist and are out in cold weather. But in the weight room? When did we all turn into fruit cakes? Want to know how much the shirt I wear costs? $15; and when I sweat like a whore in church, it gets all over me. However, as I’m a man’s man and unafraid of sweat, it doesn’t bother me…therefore making it unnecessary to purchase a $50 shirt.

The irony is that UA was started by a fellow Terp a year before I started going there. Maybe the gear would help Maryland basketball beat a team other than Duke.

This is a crazy video of a DEA agent demonstrating gun safety to a class of kids.

Video.

He says, “I’m the only one in this room professional enough to hold this Glock .40…” and then shoots himself. The story.

Conan has a lever on his show that plays a ridiculous clip from Walker Texas Ranger when it’s pulled. In one scene Walker tastes soil and declares, “A plane crashed here.” :laugh:

Parts 2 and 3
Final part

I remember when Conan first premiered on late-night television in 1994. I was a freshman in high school and wasn’t allowed to stay up late enough to watch him, but I do remember hearing a vicious review of him on the radio. Over ten years later and he’s slated to replace Leno on Late Night. I expect nothing less from a Simpsons writer who worked on the show when it was actually funny.

- The Conan O’ Brien FAQ