I trim my torso every March to celebrate the upcoming arrival of Spring, and this year was no exception. The post-trim itch I’m experiencing right now is nothing uncommon, but the uneven distribution of hair is.

It seems that I have more hair on my arms and legs now, along with much longer hair on my head. So by trimming my torso area only, I look pretty weird. I took a couple pictures… here’s a front view:

And a side view:

I think I understand now why really hairy guys don’t trim their hair: unless you trim everything, you’ll just look ridiculous. I’ll just have to give up seeing my nipples and stomach ever again.

(Picture credit: The Cat Gallery.)

I know everyone missed it. I had to take it down when the log file got to 26 MEGS and my host blocked the quiz. For those of you who are new, I put up a metrosexual quiz at the height of the metrosexuality fad and got swamped with high school test takers. Sure the fad is dead, but it was still fun to take the quiz again and find out I’m LESS metrosexual than a year ago. I got 13/50 points.

The Metrosexual Quiz.

I plan on adding a new quiz within the next month.

How much dust was in my room after not cleaning it for two months:

:puke:

Bush, Kerry Rocked at Oscars

They finally have a funny host and I missed it…crap.

He likened Bush’s performance as president to working at a clothing store such as the Gap, starting with a surplus, but ending with trillions of dollars in debt.

“Just imagine you worked at the Gap,” Rock continued. “You’re $70 trillion behind in your register and then you start a war with Banana Republic because you say they got toxic tank tops over there.”

“You finally take over Banana Republic and you find out they never made tank tops in the first place.”

The remarks generated laughter and applause from many of those in attendance.

Later in the program, he took a shot at Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry, while he pointed out Oprah Winfrey was in the audience.

“Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her just an hour ago,” Rock joked.

Maybe I’ll have to watch next year.

Each rejection you get as a man hints to whether your game is improving or not. For instance your game is getting better if you stop getting hit in the face by drunk white girls and instead get hit with fake numbers, though not by much.

Here’s my listing of the most common rejections, in order of worst to best:

-Slap in the face. Nothing says rock-bottom then having to take both emotional and physical pain. Something is seriously wrong with you if there are women out there who feel the best response to your words is violence. You probably need to tone it down a little.

-Stood up. The bad thing about this rejection is that you waste all that time getting ready and driving out to the Panda Express you are treating her at. It doesn’t even matter if you have a magical night planned teaching her how to use chopsticks… you got bitched. This is a result of pushing a little too hard when a girl is unsure of you.

-Fake number. This one stings because you look back at the fantasy world that was your “awesome seduction” and realize it was a sham. Her laughing? Fake. Her supposed interest in you? Fake. It was all fake and you bought it and fantasized about her for the whole weekend. Dick.

-Getting blown out in an approach. You approach a girl in a club and mid-sentence she turns away from you and asks her girlfriend when the hot guys are coming. Or even worse she rejects you on looks alone by turning away right as you open your mouth. Don’t give up hope entirely though… after she has a few more drinks you may be totally back in the game.

-Head-over-shoulder hug. You’re on a date and thinking of going for the kiss, but instead you get a weak-ass hug that makes it physically impossible to kiss her. It’s like she knew you were going to make a move! Unless she’s really conservative, expect her to be busy with washing her hair for the next month.

-No call back. I don’t care how much of a player you are, not every girl will call back. Bottom line is she will call you back if she likes you. Just realize that girls are in a different mind state from when they are giving you their number and from when they listen to your voice message. Sometimes girls call back just as often if you don’t leave a message: an unknown number can make them more curious than your voice and lame jokes ever could.

-The text/email/IM. Instead of not calling you back, a girl will send you a text message, e-mail, or IM with how busy she is with combing through her cat’s hair. One thing technology allows us to do in the 21st century is reject people while avoiding confrontation. Good for them, bad for you.

If you lined up two guys, Persistent Paul and Timid Tim, and told me that Paul got rejected by 100 girls in the past month and Tim got rejected by zero, it would be obvious to me who is getting more play. Though I will admit it’s painful when I see these grimy guys score every now and then with a decent chick because their persistence - and reliable roofie supplier - won’t die.

Hasn’t happened yet, but might as well get the inevitable out of the way…

Wells Fargo Web-enables 6,200 ATMs
The Windows-based infrastructure enables remote upgrades

Do you really need to read more than the headline and sub-head to know that this is a bad idea?

Might want to switch banks…

In the March issue of Maxim:

Don’t sweat the pussy; make the pussy sweat you. If you really dig a woman, pass up sex the first couple of times, because the best sex you’re going to get is when she’s after you. If you’re just looking for one night, say whatever the fuck you want: If she wants to fly, tell her you’re a pilot. But if you’re fly enough to hold back, she’ll want to screw the shit out of you. The best sex comes down the road when the chick finally tells you what she wants and you can get into your freaky.

That was by Ice-T, who for some reason went into the energy drink business.